I’m going crazy. I employed a house manager seven months ago. She is quite good with the baby and a great cook. My husband thinks she is the best house manager we have ever had. The problem is, when I get home, she doesn’t stand up as a sign of respect. She always wants to hang around us in the living room and my husband finds no problem with this. He stopped sending me to the kitchen and deals with her directly.
I feel suffocated and a stranger in my home. Previously, I suffered finding a good house manager. What do I do?
Getting a good house manager to take care of one’s baby and help in the house is something to be thankful for, especially after you have struggled to get one. Thus, good house girls should be appreciated and treated with care as they help us a lot leave alone taking care of our children.
It is a plus that your house manager feels at home in your home. You should treat her as a human being and not anything less. However, aspart of the training, you need to let her know how far she can go in some things and what is solely your responsibility. Let her know her boundaries. It is important for her to give you as a couple some space whenever your husband is around—sometimes two’s company, three’s a crowd. It is important to communicate this to her, but how you do it really matters.
Men need a lot of awareness when it comes to dealing with the house manager who in most cases is a woman. They need to know, for example, to what extent they interact with her. They should let their wives be the one giving instructions to the house manager since the house is assumed to be the domain of the woman. These are communications that normally need to be done long before you hire a house manager so that you are on the same page. If this wasn’t done, it’s never too late to have them.
Hubby should stick to his lane
It is, therefore, important for you to communicate your concerns to your husband. Don’t attack him, or tell him that you are suspecting him with your house manager, but respectfully express your concerns to him. Let him know that the house manager is your responsibility and so he should stick to his lane. Ask him how he would feel if you decided to directly deal with your mechanic for example instead of letting him do it. Let him see that if he continues this way, there’s a possibility of the house manager becoming too familiar with him, which can be dangerous. This familiarity may also breed contempt for you so that she stops respecting you as her boss.
As written to Achokis advice column on People Daily